Becoming CMW: The history & meaning of Creative Mother & Woman
I love wordplay and meaning making. Part of my journey in reclaiming my Self during various transitions as a mother and woman involved trying to connect to my new initials after changing my name. I decided to add my husband's last name to my maiden name after my 2nd daughter was born, and I was exploring this new identity from Courtney Mackey to Courtney Mackey Wilbur. Many acronyms came up in the process, but Creative Mother AND Woman felt really good.
I was swept away by my babies in the early days as a mama and it was not sustainable for the well-being of myself or the family. Reclaiming my creative self and allowing myself to be a whole woman has been healing for my body, mind, and spirit. I invite other women that may be feeling a sense of disintegration to reclaim and reintegrate aspects of themselves and heal. It is when we feel broken- sitting in the rubble of our lives- that we have the opportunity to rebuild - to recreate.
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If you are looking to read more, this page has sections dedicated to Creative, Mother, & Woman.
I am Creative.
I am deeply committed to creativity, embodiment, authenticity, and connection. My multimodal expressive arts practice opens a channel to unravel, explore, reweave, and continually evolve as a woman, mother, and well-being professional. While movement has always been central to my life, adding written and visual journaling allows me to see myself and all beings with compassion, curiosity, and playfulness. Mirrors are everywhere, guiding me to opportunities for self-discovery and transformation.
When in the creative flow, I surrender control and witness fullness unfolding. I connect to nature’s elements, cycles, and inherent wholeness, knowing I am made of the same wild, divine beauty. The images and words in my journals crystalize my experiences and serve as a map I can reference to return home, reflect on my journey, and re-integrate. By peeling away my armor to live wholeheARTedly and sharing snapshots of my soul, I hope others can see aspects of themselves and know they are not alone.
I am grateful to have met the ART process before becoming a mother: connecting to the souls of my babies in utero, seeing my matrescence journey of becoming a mother, looking into the mirrors my children hold up to me, embracing dark and light, and reclaiming and reintegrating aspects of my Self forgotten along the way.
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Creativity vs. Consumption
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We are surrounded by countless opportunities to consume others' energy/ideas/beliefs from social media scrolling, podcasts, online shopping, etc. It is important to be conscious of how/what/why we are consuming so that we can feel a sense of choice in what we bring into our energy field and also allow space for our own creative output. As a seeker looking to grow into your full potential, it can be tempting to constantly listen, watch, and read various resources made by others. What if we approached this pursuit as an inside job, realizing that we are the only experts of our unique blueprint? What if growth is a creative unfolding from the inside out rather than a molding from the outside in?
This type of unfolding happens through the body (not in your head).
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When we quiet the outside noise and enter creative flow, we are able to receive intuitive guidance. We are like the seed of a sunflower - our full potential already exists inside. No one tells the sunflower how it needs to grow or that it should be a rose. It simply knows its truth and grows toward its guiding light. ​How have we gotten so far from trusting our intuition and authentic expression? Consumer culture profits from our insecurities. Our environmental conditions are designed to tell us that we are not enough as we are and that we have to search outside ourselves for the answers. As creative beings by nature, we are the only experts in how our lives are yearning to be expressed. With daily practice, we c​an slowly pull the weeds of society’s ideals/judgments/advice that are not meant to be in our garden, creating more room to breathe, nourish, and grow.
I am a Mother.
A matricentric approach: "the oxygen mask"
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It has taken me a while to confidently embrace and proclaim “I am a Mother.” The beginning of my mama journey was self-sacrificial, suffocating, and unsustainable. I was 4 months pregnant with my first child in March 2020 and the world shut down. I had a somewhat traumatic birth in July 2020 followed by struggling to figure out how to do all the things I thought I was supposed to do as a mom while filled with fear, doubt, and a major sense of isolation. This time was marked by isolation, grief, and some dense brain fog.
Since I did not establish the boundaries to step into my Self and re-emerge, I was even more challenged after the birth of my second child. I had already let my sense of Self disappear with my first born and built my life to revolve around her, but I could not sustain this approach while trying to take care of a baby. People talk about your heart doubling in size instantly when your second child is born, but I felt completely torn between their competing needs.
When my maternity leave was up, the cost of daycare for 2 led to the logical decision of quitting the full-time job I had gone to school for and worked in for over 10 years for a different part-time job with “flexible mom hours” that I could do when my husband wasn’t working.
I broke into a million pieces and my sense of Self seemed far out of reach. When told to take care of myself, I didn’t even know what, how, or where to begin. The thought of trying to pick out something to do, schedule it, and ask someone to watch two feral children was even more overwhelming than just focusing on survival and surrendering to the self-sacrificial nature of being a mother (or what I thought was normal/expected of “good” mothers). Did I receive any badges or awards for these sacrifices? There are no “Mother of the Year” Awards that I know of. Can you feel the rage and resentment bubbling?
My healing began when I signed up for a matrescence program. Matrescence is the identity shift that occurs when becoming a mother and is cyclical in nature, happening throughout all of the transitions and changes that occur in the motherhood journey as your children grow and any changes happen within the ecosystem of the family. All of the resources that had been pushed to me from the time I was pregnant had a very child-focused lens. The mother “should” do whatever is best for the baby’s development. This approach did not work for me. My nervous system was constantly dysregulated. How can mothers take care of their kids and coregulate if they are not feeling safe and well in their own bodies and minds? The matricentric approach brought a sweet sigh of relief, affirming that the mother’s needs must be met first before she can take care of her children. This is not selfish but essential.
This liberating mindset shift allowed me to give myself permission to put my needs first without guilt, and the rest is history! I now feel stronger and more free than ever. Sure, the pervasive messaging of “not good enough” that comes with our current societal norms and systems creeps back in every once in a while, but I have a new awareness and discernment to slice through such ignorance. Going through this process in community with other mothers giving themselves permission to have similar shifts and live with a matricentric approach has transformed my life, and I am passionate about leading other mothers to give themselves grace and permission to blaze the matricentric way together.
We are the change makers and cycle breakers, but we can't do it alone. We heal by feeling seen and heard by others and by seeing ourselves in the stories of others. Join me in a Mama Metamorphosis revolution for your Self and all the mothers of past, present, and future! Move from martyr to matriarch, and firmly root into your power as a mother.
I am a Woman.
When working to reclaim myself as a whole woman during my matrescence journey, I realized I didn't even know what being a woman meant to me. I had given away my power and potential as a woman before I even became a mother. From the time I was a child, I constantly chose the safest, most stable path that would keep the peace and provide praise. That was a tough pill to swallow and came with grief and regret for not fully exploring and experiencing myself as a woman before adding kids to the mix.
Rather than blaming myself or others, I practiced forgiveness and acceptance, thanking my ego for trying to keep me safe and loved and realized it is never too late for myself and anyone else to reclaim the woman within. I am the embodiment of divine feminine energy, I am the universe wrapped in skin, I am a goddess, and so are you.
This led me to enroll in a Goddess Embodiment Priestess Training to further explore. Through guided visualizations and embodied movement, I have journeyed through some inner child healing around becoming a woman and re-connecting to my maiden days to see what aspects of her still want to be alive in my current chapter. When I reframed woman to embracing the goddess within, I was able to ground into my rhythmic roots, stir the sweet, nourishing nectar of my watery womb, channel creative and cosmic flow, honor myself through my monthly cycle, align with nature’s cycles, and connect to the lineage of women and mothers that are the lifeline of the universe. Reclaiming and feeling reborn as a woman has brought more depth, richness, and texture to my authentic Self. I am wild, free, and whole, and so are you.
Regardless of where you find yourself in your journey, I am passionate about helping you connect to who you are as a woman and let it light your life up. This is even more sacred and powerful when we can embrace ourselves, be mirrors of compassion to one another, and come together in sisterhood. Let’s celebrate one another as we walk the beauty way.
